Apple's Steve Jobs: I'm Not Dead.

With all of the talk that emerged last year about the health of Steve Jobs (the iconic and dynamic figurehead/CEO of Apple Computer, in case you were living under a rock or just beamed here from the planet Quigzmar) - it's no wonder his absence from this year's MacWorld Expo sparked a fresh round of speculation is circling the nets. Steve Jobs missing a MacWorld Expo? That's like Santa Claus skipping Christmas. Well, this week Steve emerged to inform his adoring fans that he's not dead yet.

Steve claims that he has had a "hormonal imbalance" which his doctors diagnosed and which has been responsible for his very noticeable weight loss. The dramatic weight loss was first publicly noticed June 9th of last year at the unveiling of the new iPhone. Speculation (some comical in nature) ensued that ranged from bulimia to a cold, to the return of his bout with cancer some years ago. Certainly that last one seemed to strike fear into the hearts and minds of Apple Shareholders the most.

Speculation was compounded when Bloomberg News accidentally published an erroneous obituary for Jobs in August last year. Oops.

What is Apple without Jobs at the helm? We don't know, and that's the point. Apple Shareholders are a bit unnerved by the whole uncertainty of it and whether or not Steve Jobs in indeed speaking the truth about the condition of his health. The whole bout of speculation reminded me of the popular "I'm not dead" skit from Monty Python. If that skit were applied to Steve Jobs it might go a little something like this:

Apple Shareholders: "Here's one."

News Media: "That'll be ninepence."

Steve Jobs: "I'm not dead."

News Media: "What?"

Apple Shareholders: "Nothing. There's your ninepence."

Steve Jobs: "I'm not dead."

News Media: "'Ere, he says he's not dead."

Apple Shareholders: "Yes he is."

Steve Jobs: "I'm not."

News Media: "He isn't."

Apple Shareholders: "Well, he will be soon, he's very ill."

Steve Jobs: "I'm getting better."

Apple Shareholders: "No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment."

News Media: "Well, I can't get any news out of that. It's against regulations."

Steve Jobs: "I don't want to leave the board."

Apple Shareholders: "Oh, don't be such a baby."

News Media: "I simply can't report that."

Steve Jobs: "I feel fine."

Apple Shareholders: "Oh, do me a favor."

News Media: "I can't."

Apple Shareholders: "Well, can you hang around for a couple of weeks? He won't be long."

News Media: "I promised I'd be at Brisbane this afternoon. I hear Monster Cable is suing a children's hospital for copyright infringement."

Apple Shareholders: "Well, when's your next round?"

News Media: "Thursday."

Steve Jobs: "I think I'll go for a walk."

Apple Shareholders: "You're not fooling anyone, you know. Isn't there anything you could do?"

Steve Jobs: "I feel happy. I feel happy."

[The Reporter glances up and down the street furtively, then silences Steve Jobs with the quick whack of a Microsoft Zune]

Apple Shareholders: "Ah, thank you very much."

News Media: "Not at all. See you on Thursday."

Apple Shareholders: "Right."

Of course, we're not making light of anyone's death, or the health concerns of Mr. Jobs as he battles whatever it is that is ailing him. What's interesting is the dynamic of a company so intrinsically tied to one man and the lack of preparation that seems to be taking place to hand over the reins once that iconic figure is no longer to man the helm. Will Apple be prepared in that eventuality? We'll have to wait and see.