My Traveling Woes of CEDIA

Every year we head to the trade shows bringing unique stories of our travels in which we share over dinner or in the hotel room while posting editorial coverage. This year was no different, a fact I was reminded of on my way to the airport to catch my flight. As I was cruising to the airport, listening to a Sting DTS CD in my TL, it was smooth sailing until I hit the exit to the airport. The traffic came to freeze (The Matrix style) almost instantly. With so many cops centralized in one area, I figured they must have constructed a Duncan Donuts on the Interstate. This was a mega speed trap and it must have been quota month. After dodging the laser beams, I proceeded to the airport.

Going through security I was a bit worried that my bag would be searched. Since I absolutely refuse to check luggage under all but extreme circumstances, I had my two carryons packed to the brim, one of which had a box containing nearly 1000 party invitations to our 9^th Annual Audioholics State of the CE Union Event/Party. Sure enough my suspicions were correct, I was chosen for the honor of bag search. They spent quite some time inspecting my bag in their machine before ever opening it. I thought they were going to bring in the bomb squad or do a full cavity search. But, I was spared this time - luck was on my side.

On the plane, the stewardess (I mean flight attendant, I mean flight assistant engineer or whatever is the proper way to refer to them these days) was making her rounds checking to see if anyone brought aboard contraband or attempted to stow small children, farm animals or in my case laptop computers under their seats. She spotted my laptop and began quoting an EU airline regulation that insisted I place my laptop in a bag or store it in the overhead compartment. Of course Tony had to stir up trouble for me and bring up the obvious fact that it’s ok to keep a baby on your lap but not a laptop. This didn’t score me any points with her, a fact that was evident to me while she made her second passing offering micro bags of pretzels (no matter how small, nobody refuses them) and soda to the passengers to "satisfy" their hunger during the 4 hour flight. This time she offered 3 options (trail mix, chips or granola bars). I innocently asked if there were any purchase options for a sandwich and her response was “TRAIL MIX, CHIPS, or GRANOLA BAR”. I chose chips and paced myself savoring every chip knowing I wasn’t going to be eating real food for awhile. Drowning in denial, I pretended I was eating a nice roast beef sandwich. This only worked for so long, as my hunger continued to grow once the third and last chip was gone. I was slowly but surely cured of my lust for food while the plane continually circled the airport for 1 hour in turbulent conditions until we landed. There’s nothing like some good air sickness to satisfy you.

Fortunately the flight home was mostly uneventful aside from our plane's 40 minutes late landing. Going through security before the flight was another matter however. It appears I was super lucky (not the type of luck one would want to bring to Vegas) on this trip as I had my carryons searched on both flights. This time, the security guard, let’s call her Butch, was adamant about seeing every liquid I had in my bag. She also told me any items over 4 ounces must be thrown away. While I was unpacking, I heard her (I think she was female, but still not completely sure) converse with one of her associates about how ignorant most passengers are of their understanding of what a liquid is.

Well heck, maybe I didn’t know either. So I Googled it and found the following:

EU Ruling on Liquids and liquid substances

The EU rules include liquids, gels, liquid substances: i.e. more than just water and beverages.

The definition of “liquid” includes:

• liquids such as water, fruit juice, cordial, soup and syrup;
• perfume, after-shave lotion, eau de cologne and similar liquids;
• semi-liquid or gel substances, such as shampoo and toothpaste;
• oils and lotions, such as hand lotion or sunscreen;
• contents of aerosol containers, such as deodorant, shaving foam and similar substances;
• mixtures of solid and liquid substances.

Well if I remember correctly from high school Chemistry, the definition of a liquid is:

The state of matter in which a substance exhibits a characteristic readiness to flow

Certainly many of the items the airlines consider to be a liquid wont flow such as; solid deodorant, or chapstick. Well I suppose they would if you blend them, but so will an iPhone, so shouldn’t that be considered a liquid too? Perhaps the EU ruling should be updated to state if the substance flows after blending, it’s a liquid. Steve Jobs better watch out as according to the Apple specifications, the iPhone is 4.8 ounces!

Well to make the long story short, I had to throw away my relatively new bottle of hair gel and a few other items. To make matters worse, they insisted I must fit all of my “liquid” items into this little crappy zip lock bag they provided for me. I couldn’t get it to close, not even when the bag was empty. I challenged Butch to do it and it even stumped her/him. She played Tetris with my liquid bag of goodies until she got it closed. The whole time, I thought to myself how silly this was since right after I passed security; I was offered to purchase 8 oz bottles of shampoo, cologne and other “liquidy” items from the local gift shops. While I didn’t need anything, I bought something out of spite.

So now I sit on the plane heading for home and writing this article. CEDIA was great. It was nice getting my associates together, hustling to get the latest news on the show floor, sharing some great meals and laughs and discussing all things wrong with Star Wars prequels. I walked away from this show with enthusiasm for all of the great new products soon to be hitting the retailer shelves. I learned a new definition for liquid and that I need to travel light to avoid the hassles. I am looking forward to my next travel and new updates to EU rulings to make the whole traveling experience more enjoyable.

From doughnut eating cops on the freeway, to moody flight attendants and tough airport security, I dodged the arrows and made it to the promise land. In my travels, I endured starvation, nausea and redefined what a liquid is. I take away from this experience that its best to travel light and blended iPhones could be considered a liquid by airline standards. CEDIA was a great show and experience and I look forward towards my next travel experience.