I am Child-Man, Hear me Roxor!

I literally can't stop talking about this topic. Kay "Fun-Sponge" Hymowitz wrote an editorial about child-men. In short - we suck. Apparently we are not living up to our "potential" as defined as "high school degree, financial independence, marriage and children." We are apparently wasting our time "hang[ing] out in a playground of drinking, hooking up, playing Halo 3 and, in many cases, underachieving." Women are described as "joining an international New Girl Order, hyper-achieving in both school and an increasingly female-friendly workplace, while packing leisure hours with shopping, traveling and dining with friends." Guys are too busy extending their adolescence to worry about committing to a relationship.

Let's just start this off right; I'm a damn proud child-man. Damn proud! I've listened to diatribes against my sex since I was a little boy. We need to grow up, get a job, and put those "childish" things behind us. Why? I never understood. While I was busy collecting comic books, I saw my male role models collecting National Geographic or Popular Science. How is that different? While I would spend all Saturday in front of a TV playing Super Nintendo, they men were off playing golf*. I shook my head. Seems like we are both wasting our time to me.

Ms. Hymowitz is pining over what can only be described as an archaic view of the adult male circa 1960. Let's not forget that men of this bygone era were not surrounded by the "New Girl Order" women. No. That woman couldn't get equal pay for equal work. That woman was still inhibited by social mores. That woman had an unbreakable glass ceiling with which to contend. That man had to support an entire family on one income and jobs available that would allow that to happen. So if they want us to go back to that guy, they might consider what that means for their sex.

Ms. Hymowitz seems to feel that this child-man phenomenon is in some way generated as a backlash against female empowerment, I'm here to say emphatically - NO WAY! What's not to like about female empowerment? Do things for yourself? Contribute as much (if not more) to our family's annual income? Feel confident and resourceful? Heck, those are the things most of us are looking for in a chick anyhow.

The fact is that this is a bad case of have your cake and eat it too. Women asked for more empowerment, responsibility, and all that went with it and they have, to a great extent, received it. But now guys are looking around and they can't help but hear all these messages of empowerment and think to themselves, "You know, I bet I could be empowered too! What might I like to be empowered to do?" Well, number one on that list was not to rush into marriage. Number two was to wear pants less often.

And that's the sad fact - They opened up Pandora's Box when they wanted to change the societal norms of the 40's and 50's. I'm not saying that the change wasn't needed - it certainly was. But you can't expect to change one group without having an affect on all those around you. One of those effects were that men finally got tired of being told that they needed to grow up and give up all those things they liked as a child. They were forced to take on new (and in my opinion substandard) hobbies that didn't give them nearly the pleasure that their childhood loves did.

If anything symbolizes the child-man to me, it is home theater. While I may argue against this often, you can make the case that no one needs a home theater (they do, they really do). A home theater is a decidedly "guy" thing at this time. Are women getting interested? Oh yeah. More and more every day. While guys are inherently drawn to the technology, women need to be introduced to it slowly. But I've found that once they are, they are hooked.

It is the perfect analogy. Home theater is a "guy" thing that a woman "puts up with" until she lives with it long enough and suddenly it becomes OK. Case in point. I have a 42 inch flat panel display. Every time I get a 50 inch in to review, live with it for a few weeks, and have to send it back I get the sad look from my wife. This is the same woman who argued vehemently against replacing the 27" CRT with the 42" LCD in the first place!

As men, or child-men, we have to learn how to balance our hobbies and loves with our responsibility. But the two are not incompatible as Ms. Hymowitz suggests. For some reason, some women feel the need to domesticate their men (Ms. Hymowitz says as much in her editorial) which invariably consists of driving anything fun out of their lives. Woman, let me say this plainly, you'll pry the remote out of my cold dead hands. If your idea of adulthood is that you get to be empowered while I get to forsake anything remotely resembling fun (in exchange for golf) I reject your idea and leave you to it. Enjoy your divorce. I'll wait for a woman that realizes that a man is someone that holds a good job, takes care of his responsibilities, and loves and respects his wife regardless of what he does in his free time.

I'd suggest that everyone take a close look at the headlines. Not a week goes by without someone lamenting that our children are being corrupted by video games or lured onto the Internet or exposed to dangerous ideas through innocent looking comic books. Well, who better to protect a child than a child-man? I can practically guarantee that there is no chance my child will be able to pull the, "But Grand Theft Auto is just a racing game," stunt with me. Not a chance. I'll know more about video games than he/she will!

Ms. Hymowitz suggests that child-men aren't very promising husbands. Well, I can't argue with that… if you try to marry them as child-men. That's like guys trying to marry a high school girl. They just aren't ready. But that child-man will one day want to be an adult (maybe not on your timetable but who made you the boss of him) but I can guarantee that he will continue on in his child-man ways if you try to force him into this archaic mold. If you do manage to shoe-horn him into it, you'll be lucky if all he gives you is resentment.

No, the better solution is to realize that the 22 year old career man on his first steps to earning his pension 33 years later just doesn't exist. Those jobs (much less the men to hold them) don't exist any more. The new adult male doesn't want to give up those interests and hobbies just because you say they aren't fitting an adult. He doesn't care what you think. And he'll keep looking until he finds someone that agrees with him. So feel free to keep complaining about us. Darwin will ensure that we don't have to worry about your daughters hounding our sons.

*I know some of you truly love golf. Fine. Replace the word "golf" with something else that you're supposed to do as an adult that seems a poor substitution for comics, video games, etc.