Apple Hates You

Let's face it, Apple hates you. They really do. But they make such nice stuff it's just so darn hard to get mad. Well, that's why I'm here. I'm that friend that's telling you you're being taken advantage of. Your fly is down. There's some schmutz on your face. Your girlfriend just got caught with the school jock. You get the idea. I'm here for you and I'm going to tell you the hard, bitter, awful truth cause you need to hear it.

You have a "Mac-ing" problem. Oh, and Steve Jobs is the anti-Christ.

Sure, you've got it all under control. You're OK with recent decisions by Apple that affect your impulsive iPhone purchase and you can quit anytime you want to. But you don't want to. Do you? Come on, the first step to recovery is admitting you're an addict.

And Steve Jobs? Well, on the outside he's a smiling, pleasant man who cares so much about the environment that he probably has his Toyota Prius air-lifted to meet his private jet when he lands for remote speaking engagements (ah, who am I kidding, Jobs never leaves Cupertino). Inside, Jobs is... different. He's manipulative. Devious. Calculating. In a word: Evil.

Cases in point:

Apple Performs a Major *ahem* "Bug Fix" for the iPhone with Firmware 1.1.1

• While this sounds innocent enough, this recent "fix" actually results in a complete eradication of most all the third party apps - presumably on purpose, however we can't say for sure
  
• The update may potentially "brick" (as in turn your iPod into a worthless hunk of aluminum and glass) any unlocked iPod.
  
• All non-iTunes Store ringtones are broken (ie. rendered useless) with the update
• The iPhone no longer works with the iPod HiFi with firmware 1.1.1
  

Apple Drops iPhone Price a Scant 60 Days After Debut

• Ouch. Early adopters typically expect prices to go down eventually, however a $200 price drop in 60 days is a new record and a new low, even for Apple.
• It's OK, though cause Steve Jobs fessed up and poured out his heart to his followers
• Also you get a $100 door prize to spend on more great Apple stuff. Considering almost nothing in the Apple Store sells for less than $100, we call this "Getting iPhwned"

Want to Replace That New iPhone Battery? That'll be 3 Days and $79, Please...

• Some things are simply too obvious to even think about. I mean, EVERY cell phone in the WORLD has a user-replaceable battery, so naturally Apple's new iPhone will be user-serviceable as well, right? Wrong.
• Early adopters everywhere heaved a collective "Oh snap!" after realizing that they'd actually have to send in their $600 iPhones after a year or so to have the batteries replaced by Apple.
• Maybe Apple was afraid user-replaceable batteries would allow gremlins to infiltrate the phone? Maybe that's where they hide the super secret locator beacon. We just don't know.
  

AppleTV 40GB or 160GB?

• Apple users were introduced to the IPTV product dubbed AppleTV and bought it in droves... only to find that two months later they could snag a model with 4x the storage for only $100 more.
• The original 40GB model is not upgradable.

iPod Game Buyers Forced to Repurchase Same Games at Retail

• Apple had several games available via its iTunes store for use with video iPods, including Tetris, Mini Golf, Pac-Man, Texas Hold-em, Sims Bowling and Sims Pools
• These games were only compatible with a particular swath of iPods
• If you bought any of these games and lost/upgraded/etc to a new iPod you would have to repurchase a new compatible version at full price  since no updates were made available to existing customers. The games are not, for the most part, either forwards or backwards compatible
  

Apple Ships iPods to Customers with Windows Worm

• In October, 2006 Apple admitted they shipped a number of iPods to customers with a Windows Worm included, free of charge
• Instead of simply issuing a standard press release, Apple - in classic Jobsonian style, took the opportunity to throw a dig at Microsoft.
  

2005-06 iMac Fiasco

• The iMac G5 with "gee-wiz" ambient light sensor shipped in May of 2005.
• 5 months later, a new G5 with revamped specs arrived with built-in iSight
• 3 months later came the Intel chip versions, at much faster speeds - for the same price. Ouch.

2004 Update Breaks Ability to Easily Xfer Files to Mac from iPod

• In October of 2004, Apple updated iTunes to version 4.7, with the "improvement" of breaking the iPod Download app
• The update was to comply with nagging requests of record labels, forcing users to turn to third-party apps (also subject to breaking after updates) in order to simply move files back and forth from their iPods.
  

The First iMac

• Ah, the first iMac. With its 233MHz processor and under-powered graphics chip it was so cute... so innovative.... so short-lived.
• Two months later the original iMac was replaced by a system with triple the video RAM (6MB).
  
• Users could now actually play Myst on the revision, but not the original.

So what am I saying here? Is it bad that Apple constantly upgrades, updates and improves its product lines? No, it's not. But if you review, it's the timelines of many of these issues that take precedent as being problematic. Dropping the price of a product by 33% is normally a good thing. Doing it 2 months after debut is tantamount to severe abuse of your early adopters. Apple has a history of putting out products and then systematically causing wave after wave of buyers' remorse as they flip their lines months after a product is released.

So back to my initial point: Your fly is down. Now what are you going to do about it?